La Famille: une mère, un père, des enfants, et peut-être les grand-parents. My first week in France, my host parents asked me quite a bit about my family–and told me about theirs.
My host parents have three adult children, two daughters who live elsewhere in France, and a son in Grenoble. On my first night, my host father told me they were expecting their first grandchild, who was born the week our program was cancelled, and the entire family gathered to celebrate that Saturday, just as I was packing my bags to leave Grenoble.
Every Saturday my host parents had lunch with my host mom’s mother who lived on the same floor, and every Sunday we all sat down to dinner, sometimes with their son and his girlfriend joining us.
When I told them my parents were divorced, they said that was a pity, and I got the sense that they really valued having a healthy family and home. In my experience in America, people generally aren’t surprised or upset by the news that someone’s parents are divorced. The difference in reaction didn’t surprise me at first, even though France and America both have divorce rates around 45%. After some further research, it appears that a lower percentage of the French population get married each year to begin with–there are about 3.4 marriages per 1,000 people each year in France, versus 6.5 marriages per 1,000 people in America. So, while approximately the same percentage of married couples may divorce each year, there is a higher percentage of the total population that has been married and divorced in America, making it seem more common. It is also seen frequently in TV dramas and movies, contributing to the availability bias Americans may have towards acknowledging divorce.
It seemed to me that French people approached all relationships more cautiously and intentionally than Americans, something we discussed with Professor Rostas at the beginning of the semester. In France, it would take a bit of effort to become someone’s friend and get to know them, but once you become friends you are very close. Comparatively, in America we often might have people we consider friends simply because we see them every day in class, or live on the same floor. Not a lot of effort goes into developing these sort of tangential friendships, and there isn’t a strong bond–once the class ends or you move to a different building, maybe you never see that person again. This isn’t to say that Americans don’t have close friendships, but rather they’re more likely to call someone a friend that the French might think of as just an acquaintance.
Just as close friendships are important to the French, marriage and family hold equal, if not more, weight. Something that clearly shows the importance of family is the Livret de Famille, a book containing information about the marriage, birth of children, and other important events for a family. A couple normally receives their Livret when they become married or when their first child is born. From then on, the Livret serves as an official record for the family, and as a form of identification in official situations. The fact that a record of the entire family is considered identification for each of the members sends a strong message: the family is just as important as the self, and should be taken care of with the same respect. That being said, individuals aren’t expected to give up their personal identity and totally devote themselves to the family. Rather, everyone is able to be unified and individual at the same time, enjoying their differences as much as what they share.
Personally, I think family is very important, but shouldn’t be something to strive for just to have a family. Many people get married for the wrong reasons or without thinking it completely through, and I think the weight of a Livret really emphasizes that starting a family is not something to take lightly. As to whether or not French families are healthier or happier than Americans is something I don’t know, but family is definitely important in French culture.
Julianna Hill 